What holds me back as a writer?

My greatest writing is when I’m relaxed and just having fun with certain ideas. Not in the sense that I’m the next Shakespeare but if I really had fun and explored the subject matter to the best of my ability. I think the greatest and most underappreciated genre is horror. Now that I have a platform where people are actually reading my stuff, (presumably) When nobody reacts. I tell myself, “Why aren’t you pushing boundaries?” The answer to that question is that I’m worried about the readers reaction and not the idea. Which is when my muse starts poking me in the brain and calling me a pussy. I get it. Quit poking me.

When I was 15 years old I watched silence of the lambs. I thought it was the most shockingly wonderful bizarre exploration of a sociopaths psyche. I had always received compliments from teachers about my imagination. It made me feel good. So I thought I would write something equally shocking in the spirit of silence of the lambs. Minus the complexity and intellect. I was 15. Writing is a passion, it doesn’t mean I’m a savant.

I wrote an opening scene. Then I realized I was waist deep in my own arrogance. I had no idea what I was doing. I had all these terrific ideas in the scope of my mind with absolutely no skill to follow through. “Vocabulary? Punctuation? Character development? Plot? Sub-plot? There’s a plot underneath the main plot?! Fuuuck this. I’m watching anime.” To this day I still cherish that opening scene because it opened a door to something great.

I just needed a reaction from one person to be satisfied. Of course who wants to read the psychotic dribble of a 15 year old? My mom. That’s who. The opening scene was a psycho bathing in the blood of his victims. Corpses that he drained, lay along side the tub. He was listening to the recorded audio of their screams like it was classical music. Something to soothe the soul… or the blood thirsty demon. That’s all I remember. I wrote 4 pages. I had no idea where it was going and gave up. Wincing while reading it my mom handed the papers back to me. The following is a direct quote. “I can’t believe I gave birth to you.” That was her review. We both laughed for a long time afterwards. She’s no Roger Ebert but it sufficed.

On the 19th I will release Metamorphosis: Rebirth. It takes place after James murders his father and steals his form. We will see how his strange abilities manifest themselves into something truly monstrous. Was his father right about his son being evil? You’ll have to wait and see.

Thanks for reading! like, follow, share with your friends. Follow me on twitter @jacksontheory.

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